So a guy walks into a Subway in Florida and orders a Philly cheesesteak with ketchup, is told by the sandwich artist on duty that cheesesteaks don't get ketchup (and that Subway doesn't have ketchup at all), then a verbal altercation breaks out between the two which leads to the worker allegedly threatening to kill the customer. Getting past the absolute absurdity of the entire situation, I have reached these three conclusions:
1) The customer says he's from South Jersey and calls himself a cheesesteak "connoisseur." I have to call the veracity of the rest of his statement into question if he, a so-called "connoisseur," thought he was going to get an authentic Philly cheesesteak from Subway.
2) Later he says "By the way, when you buy a cheesesteak in Philly, you put ketchup on it, ok?" Yeah? Well, you know, that's just, like, uh, your opinion, man:
a) Here's the ordering guide for Pat's: you don't ask for ketchup at the window, bro.
b) Geno's says you can put it on your own sandwich yourself, but their owner also said if you put anything besides cheese and onions on a cheesesteak, you killed it (among other things).
c) Jim's is better than both of these clowns.
3) Clearly the Philly cheesesteak sellers could use an advisory council similar to the one that the hot dog industry has.* The cardinal rule for hot dogs - and I think it should probably apply to all meats - is that if you are over the age of 18, you don't put ketchup on a hot dog. You're an adult, dude. You have a fully developed palate. Try enjoying food instead of eating like a child.**
The court sides with the defendant.
*Note to self: look into job opportunities with the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council.
**Ketchup is a perfectly acceptable condiment for fried vegetables, but that is about it. It should never be served on meat of any kind unless it has been transformed into another condiment altogether.
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